Many people ask me which I like better-Hopkinton, or Winchester. The truth is, is that these towns are incomparable. Both are wonderful in their own ways, despite some flaws. Hopkinton is my hometown, and always a part of me. The rolling hills of rural suburbia are near and dear to my heart. Perhaps what was hardest about moving away from there was the fact that I never had done it before. The people I was leaving behind were my friends since pre-school. Unlike the college bound seniors, I had no desire to leave our little town, as backwoodsy and bucolic though it may seem to you. There is a strong sense of community within the entire town, though there are cliques but that is true of anywhere you go with any heterogeneity in its population. Mostly, I was just scared of what I would find in Winchester and sad that it wouldn't be the same. So many potential good times I could spend with my closest friends, my chlorinated family, and yet I would be wasting away in a place that I never wanted to be in in the first place. All the plans I had thought of in my head, Prom, Graduation, our last Pep Rally-these were all suddenly irrelevant because I would have no part in them. Instead, I would put amongst strangers, trying to figure out what should have been the two last golden years of high school and struggling to get by. I was disappointed because I thought I had had everything figured out perfectly, and I had the system wired so that I knew I would get exactly what I wanted. I had a team, friends and...well, a life. I was giving it all up, and for what?
I could not have been more wrong. True, the first few days were supremely uncomfortable. I still remember wanting desperately to run out of the pool that first practice because I was so embarassed that I didn't know anyone's name and no one knew me. So many unfamiliar faces, in a school that seemed much bigger than the small town one I had just come from. I thought the whole reality check thing wasn't going to be something I felt until college, when suddenly you get knocked off your high horse by some professor and your have your confidence trashed, in front of a class of hostile students no less. I struggled through the pre-season, and cried for the team I was forced to give up. My friends at home sympathized, but what could they do to help? Not much. The first week of school wasn't so much better, getting lost every day. I tried to walk in the hallways like I knew where I was going, but I think it was probably really obvious that I was completely clueless. These few weeks were like a living Hell. Thanks to some fantastic people here though, the story has a happy ending. Eventually I found my way around, and suddenly things didn't seem so bad. Gradually it felt more natural to be in those cramped 1970s classrooms, dark and dismal though they seemed at first. While the structure of the highschool certainly leaves something to be desired, the people within the school make things seem ok. People, for the most part, were incredibly friendly and helpful. The group of friends I have found, while histrionic at times, are really quite spectacular and the swimmies, both over the summer and the girls' team this fall, have made me proud to be one of them. I feel that some people got incredibly comfortable around me, and thus had a weird sense of security and a little while back that really hurt me. But even then, I had a core of friends already that were trying their best to help me out and that meant the world to me.
So where does that leave me? Well I can't really say that I completely belong to Winchester because I doubt I ever will. But I can't exactly pick up and leave without feeling a sense of remorse either. I know I keep referring to Hopkinton as "home" but I can't help feeling that that's not completely true anymore. For a while, I was worried about the type of person I was shaping up to be here. Some of my longheld ideas were called into question, time and time again. Some of the things I considered doing were petty to the highest degree. I worried that people here would think that I was insubstantial and easy to take advantage of, to forget. And for a while there, it seemed true. People seemed perpetually annoyed at me for complaining, and always being dissatisfied. Now though, I think I'm past all of that. After regaining a modicum of my former composure, I think I'm ready with a brand-new(at least to the people here) attitude. Hopefully I can move forward and be the go-getter I used to be, and the one I'm hoping I still can be. On the whole, I am certainly thankful to have moved to Winchester. Are things perfect? Certainly not. Am I scared by some of my craaaaaazy intense classmates? Well yes. Do I feel pretty mediocre here? Yuh-huh. Is it all worth it though? I'd like to think so. While it's true that the social dynamics here are much more convoluted and complicated than in Hopkinton, I think the ride has been worthwhile thus far. Am I still bitter about having to relocate halfway through highschool? A little bit. But considering how sucky the story looks on paper, things have been pretty smooth thus far.
So ends my first blog entry here...I decided I wanted to start a blog so that 1) I could rant without having to worry that my friends are going to be dying of boredom and 2) To see my growth over the last years of highschool. (sentimental tear). But really. Go ahead and follow me after this post, if you want but I'm letting you know right now: I'm not writing for an audience, this is simply what I think about Life...and all the fun things it contains. The rest of my posts probably won't be so long, but I thought it was appropriate for this first entry. Viva la Vida.
Love,
Tiff
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